Thursday, January 25, 2007

Shy Guy Like Me...

Being a shy and passive guy myself (which is probably why I've never dated a man in my life), I understand in order to move things forward, I have to put myself out on the ledge a little, which means I need to get out and meet people. However, it's really not as easy as you think when none of my close friends are gay, this leaves me no choice but to walk into a gay bar or club by myself. Unfortunately, I still have not been to anywhere on my own (except a gay bookstore while I was in Sydney) and I just don't know why. Am I lack of self-confidence or I'm just thinking too much?

I recently read this article on how to go out alone to a bar, club or restaurant. It sounds 'educating' but I wanna know what do you think of it? Do you really think I will feel more comfortable about myself if I follow the tips or they are just a bunch of textbook theories? Maybe you are also a shy guy yourself and doesn't mind to share your exp- erience with me? Or you can even ask me out so that we can be each other's company? Any comments are welcome and thanks a million!


Jeremiah said...

Many eons ago, the first order I was given as a young gay boy was, shower, dress, head out to the bar, relax have a few cocktails, and see what happens.

In hindsight those drinks turned into a career in alcoholism, which today I can safely say I survived and I am sober today.

When I was single I had less problems going to a club to dance because I was wrapped up in the music and the entertainment around me. (that was in my 20's) But I would never go out to a restaurant alone. It just felt too weird to eat alone.

As a much older man, now edging 40 and a regular reader here, I think being secure in ones person and in ones skin is most important in the public domain. All the dress clothing, best cologne, or expensive duds won't make it any easier. Just be yourself and go out where you are comfortable. One step at a time.

I love to dance, and if you start somewhere comfortable and build your confidence then anything is possible. Once you get past the self consciousness of being out "alone" in public, then things should ease up.

Just don't fixate on the fact that you are out alone and are self conscious of that fact. "Relax" and "enjoy" because you know, the older we get the harder it is to get out in public so enjoy it while you can, because we aren't getting any younger.

A great man is built from the Inside out - not the outside In.

Most gay men are only concerned with what is on the outside, in my experience, that was my major flaw. I tried to impress outwardly and I failed miserably. And became a mess in the end and it wasn't until I sobered up and moved to a foreign country, than where I originated from, did I score with a like mind.

To thine own self be true. Start with that and you can't go wrong.


Jim said...

Is that your picture on the profile? If it is, I don't know why you are still alone. From that pic, you're at least an 8.

Ok, now on the serious note.

To answer your question, yes it is normal to eat alone in a restaurant or sit alone in a club. In fact, you can probably do almost anything alone. But it would be more fun if you have someone to join you ( not trying to make you feel worse here). Just put it this way, you can kick a ball and play with it alone for sure. But it wouln't be "football" and you certainly won't get a kick out of it doing it alone.

So eventhough it's ok to do things alone. I wouldn't recommend you to "try to do it alone".

Part of living is sharing. That is, sharing your time with your friends and loved ones. Until you fulfill that part, you're not living life to the fullest. cliche? may be. But its true.

Get yourself something to do, to get busy with until you figure what exactly you can do to gain more self-confidence. And yeah go to club alone(for now), dance ,drink and try to talk or at least smile to someone. It will happen. Just remember, the first one is the hardest. After that,..well you'll know.

Good luck and I love your blog by the way.

Anonymous said...

Excellent advice!!

Anonymous said...


I am 33y.o. Japanese living in Belgium. Since the article of Klaus Hee, I am one of readers. And I like Gage, from Sean Cody, also. I am shy and not confident of myself at all. But contrary to you, most of my close friends are gay.

Regarding the article, I don't think it's useful; that's obvious without being said and doesn't show anything new for me.

Anyway you should start a gay lovelife; otherwise only Thai boys will remain. There are lots of gay saunas like Chariot, or even regular gyms are cruisy enough in London.

From my experience, you must go out next Thursday or Friday because the night is full moon; I am a reader of Jonathan Cainer.

Good luck,

CowboyDenver said...

Although I'm quite gregarious in most situations, I find it extremely difficult to have fun by going to a gay bar alone. I revert to the shy kid I once was. Even though considered good looking, I don't get hit on very often - and usually not by guys that I find attractive. So - being pragmatic, I realized I needed to find friends somewhere else.

I love to ski and ended up joining a gay ski club here in Colorado. The greatest result of that was that I met some of my closest friends there - and we remain close. The point is that in order to overcome your natural shyness, find an organization that appeals to something you like to do - a gay organization, that is. In other words, put yourself in a situation where you will find guys with something in common other than being gay.

Go with the attitude of having fun doing something you like to do with others who also enjoy that activity. Don't go with the attitude of finding the love of your life. That certainly might happen, but your goal should be to have fun and be relaxed while being yourself. People will see your best side that way-your inner beauty. And God knows, you're already beautiful on the outside! I know you'll be successful. Just don't dwell on "finding Mr. Right." That's always counterproductive. Good luck and best wishes.

Pr8 said...

Thanks to all your comments and a BIG special hug to Cowboy Denver. I think you are absolutely right, I shouldn't be dwelling on finding my Mr. Right (just for love), instead, I should start to make friends by joining or working in some gay organizations and take it from there.

Now I know what to do! Once again, thanks a million and I know you guys (my fans) are always there for me!

neil_uk said...

But previously you wrote "I met a guy at the member desk at the gym last year, totally buff, shaved head, sexy black eyes. We hit it off, I invited him over to my house and pretty soon we were both naked and getting it on...." - that wasn't you then? I'm confused now.

Pr8 said...

LOL Neil, please don't take it too serious, it is just one of the erotic stories that I post on this blog. You can say they are some of my fantasies. The only real story was the one, which I saw my friend had a wet dream early in the morning. I am very sorry to confuse you but I do wish I can meet a buff guy out of the blue in the gym and hit on with him.

Anonymous said...

Lotsa great advice!!! Helpful for everyone.

neil_UK said...

Sorry pr8, i've only just discovered this blog (it's great by the way!) - so wasn't sure how 'personal' it was. Now I can sympathise - I'd wish I'd taken that gym guy home as well!!

Aryn said...

Pr8, you and me are like the same person in different countries... oh, and you're hotter!
I totally feel the same way about getting out there, I don't really know what I'm afraid of, but I have never made a move. Even yesterday when my friend's really cute gay classmate was standing right in front of me, I never did a thing, I was frozen in place... i'm so ashamed.
I don't know why shyness is such an effective way to keep us out of the dating circle, but when they come up with an antidote, I will take it!

Pr8 said...

Aryn, I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has this kind of 'shyness' issue. And yes, most of the time I don't even know what the heck I am afraid of, but at the age of 26 and still single, I know I have to do something about it!

CowboyDenver said...

pr8 - You are very welcome. A big long-distance hug and a kiss back to you! (Wish I could do it in person!!!)

Michael said...

Hey man

Honestly, I am hardly in the position to be giving you advice because I am in a position that is almost the same like yours.

The only difference is that around two years ago I was deeply in love with a guy and I was ready to devote my life to him. It is always difficult to say what makes you think this way but it is just the way you feel and the way the other guy is feeling about you. Though this did not last for a long time, I can definitely say I have never felt happier in my life and probably will never feel this way again. But then, all of a sudden, he decided to put an end to what has been happening between us. Why ... because of himself not being sure what he was doing, his parents would not understand him, his ex-girlfriend was chasing him ... Probably it's quite stupid of me to be doing this but I still think of him ... though I've never been hurt more by anyone else.

He's been the only guy in my life and I feel like I'll never be able to love anyone else this way. For the time since then I've always found myself various excuses to not do anything in this respect - that I have to stay late at work, that I am tired and prefer to stay home instead of going out and all that stuff. The true reason is, however, that I am too shy to start things over again, and to some extent afraid to do so ...

Anyway, I hope it would make you feel a little bit better by knowing that you are not alone out there.

Take care.

Dave said...

If I can make a suggestion. A good place to start going places on your own is a Coffee shop. Pick one that is in a trendy area and that attracts alot of gay guys - ex: STARBUCKS (gay central)...bring along a book or something to study if you're a student. Guaranteed, you'll have people chatting you up in no time. When I was a student I spent countless hours there and almost everyday someone new came up to chat! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

you're cute. I would date you