Monday, August 20, 2007


I think I'm taking sex far too serious and I need to loosen up! But how?
Why do I say so? Well, for the past few weeks I've been chatting with a nice decent guy that I met online. We are not in love yet (as love takes time to grow) but I do fancy him (as he's kinda cute) and recently we've touched on the subject of sex and he's willing to sleep with me and show/teach me how my 'first time' should be done. I know my body is ready for it, and this time, I want it to happen so bad, but as usual something at the back of my mind stops me from accepting his kind offer.

It's so difficult to put this thought into words, but it feels something like a mix of embarrassment (that I'm not good enough for him), fear (that I'll be taken advantage of or be hurt), and guilt (that I put sex before love) and this is the exact feeling that keep me from losing my virginity at the age of 27, sounds pathetic huh?

I understand the ONLY way to stop this vicious cycle is to find out what does sex actually feel like by sleeping with a guy, but at the same time it's just too difficult to put my feeling behind me and step forward.

Maybe I'm lack of self-confidence or self-esteem. Maybe I'm still not ready for sex. Maybe I'm not gay. Or maybe I'm just too serious about sex.


Johann said...


I will tell you something : once you TRY it, you can't stop.

Do it and don't worry about the first time. That's only the number 1. The 2 will be better or worse, the 3 better or worse, etc, etc, etc. I lose count above 1000. GO. AHEAD.

CowboyDenver said...

... well, OK, probably all that except the "Maybe I'm not gay" part. You start posting tits and pussy photos--then I will be worried!

Seriously, your graphic analysis is a great beginning. You've illustrated the cycle, but to break it you must stop doing only one of the 4 things.

Your FEAR of what might happen is now preventing you from ever knowing what might really happen. As you can see from your graph, you are in a stagnant place. You will never grow in this area as long as you refuse to break the cycle.

Do not let the fear of change stop you from growing. You are a very smart, very handsome guy. I am totally confident that you will emerge a better person on the other side.

Anonymous said...

I lost my virginity at the age of 24. at the time i lost it, i felt much lighter!!! I think I was holding onto that "virginity" thing too hard!! It isnt actually that important to me. To tell you the truth, I lost it to a guy who pretended to be single!! How bad. But to be honest, it doesnt matter. Now i am having a really good time with my current boyfriend. I think if I was still holding that virginity thing with me at the time i met my current boyfriend, i would not act in the same way.
I remember, my dear old friend used to say: gay can smell virginity and they will try to keep a distance from virgin!! I dunno if that was true, but it seems to be in my case!!!
good luck and enjoy!! sex is fun!!
take care

somebody from london

Anonymous said...

I'm only sixteen, but you know what?
I've never been kissed.
No girls, no boys since I'm gay, but be careful, you don't know who he really is.
If you are sure and he is reliable, go on, it's time to show off PR8 to the world.
Greetings. <3

Anonymous said...

My god...stop being so uptight or your life will pass by before your eyes with you trying to make up your mind upon matters so easy to decide...just live your life dude...

Anonymous said...

Trust me, you're not the only one that has been where you are and felt that way, all i can say is that i felt exactly how you felt and waited till i was in my early twenties to have sex and after i did i realized that i made it such a complex situation thinking that way for so many years before, that after i did finally get laid i regretted not experiencing it at a younger age, i still do, its just sex and once you realize that, you can figure out more what you want in a relationship other than just sex. Plus alot of guys have shitty "first times" so don't stress over it, it takes practice to be a good lover, you can't learn it from a video ;)

jemmytee said...

PR8...I'm going to go the opposite route and tell you to let the "sex" happen in its own time. Let it flow from the moment. Just because you get together with the guy you met online doesn't mean you HAVE to get down the first time you meet. Go to a movie. Have some tacos. Talk yourselves hoarse. Walk. Sit. Enjoy just being with each other. And when the moment comes, it'll be just right. And everything will blend perfectly.

Keep in mind -- you deserve to find beauty in your life. And you will. Maybe you already have. But there's no law that says you can't contemplate its elegance for a little while. And don't forget, muffin -- you've got a lot more to offer someone than just sex. You're smart. Adventurous. Deep. DAMN cute. Got a sweet little attitude. And your face is to the future. Explore it at your own speed...for that way you will explore it well.

Peace and love to you.

Anonymous said...

I think the most important here, is trust. If you trust this guy, then you can go for it.
And don't be hard to yourself, don't be afraid about being not good enough or whatever. Perhaps you can tell this guy about your fears, so he can help you to feel more comfortable.
For me, the first time I had sex with a guy wasn't very special, because I didn't like that guy that much after all, which I regret. But now I have a boyfriend for already 8 years, and the sex is always very special with much love.
So, when it feels alright, just break that circle and go for it!
If you still doubt, try to figure out where this doubts come from; is it just fear or do you have doubts about (having sex with) this guy?

Anonymous said...

You are putting way too much thought into this. At 27, it's time. But I don't know if I would have sex for the first time with somoeone you don't know. Keep in mind your first time probably won't be your best time so my advice is to have your first gay experience with someone you already know and trust (as much as possible anyway).

FlipFlopsBoy said...

As someone said, trust is key. Relax...let it happen naturally...but LET IT HAPPEN! You will feel much better, and will be able to stop obsessing about it all. Thinking of you! (HUGS)

Anonymous said...

you can't stop yourself from the fear of having sex if you are a virgin, and that to me is probably the hardest part to overcome. you might be a bit more moody for a day or two after losing your virginity (i did anyway, felt that i didn't wait for the guy), but over all it makes you all that much stronger. yes, it is good to have prince charming to bring you your first time, but like many other things in life, we have to compromise. i wouldn't say someone you met online necessarily (due to health risk), but that part is up to you.

Jack said...

Hey PR8,

It is a right moment to break the circle and move on those things preventing you from happiness in sex, awesome feelings, nothing can compare to it in your life. Hmm, some people fall in love at the first sight. If you are so worry about "virgin" or "ambarrassing', you lose your chance to be loved.

Please ask the guy you refused him come to me, I accept him as myself


Jeremiah Andrews said...

The first time I had sex with a man I was 19 years old. I was at a family BBQ and I was honed in on one of our guests.

We all got smashed and he spent the night so that he would not drive home drunk.

That night we slept in the same room, on different sofas. He got into bed naked and I was overjoyed.

It was the most awesome experience, if you are worrying about everything at once, you might miss the sacred feeling of sex for the first time.

Yes the first time should be "right" but when IS the right time? that always depends.

I say trust you gut and listen to it, for it never is usually worng is it?

Stop analyzing sex or you will drive yourself insane. Enjoy a man in your bed and learn about what you like to feel inside and out.

Sex is sacred and should be enjoyed.

Take care and Happy Landing...
Buckle that seatbelt its gonna be a "bumpy ride!"


Joseph said...

Hi there, hi dear,
I'll give some pieces of advice that may seem opposite:

-Don't worry, you ain't the oldest one to lose your virginity (I was 29, but shh!) No shame, no glory (he wasn't Mr Right...)/ Take the time to know him & bound if not a love relation, a trustful one (don't take his words on STD before then)/ If your fears are about penetration, what about safe sex & mutual body exploration =°p

-On the other hand, even if it's a little mean, you'll have someone to compare (not the physical performance but the emotional experience) if the adventure doesn't continue between U2/ All in all, experiencing & giving physical pleasure can make you shine in a very special way (my friends saw it in me right away after that day & even more now with real love)=^__^=

See you cupcake...

JDude said...


First, congratulations on the first year of your blog, I've bookmarked it and visit periodically.

I don't presume to provide you with advice based on your blog entry; there are simply so many variables. That said, some will advise you, and have, to go out this night and hook up! Others will say, build a friendship and share yourself. In the end, it will be what you're comfortable with.

I've been on both sides of the fence. There are considerable variables of in what and how you proceed.

I wish you good fortune in proceeding upon your choice of sexual fulfillment, because it's a healthy and important part of your existence.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Janet....How can this be The Ministry of Pleasure if you're afraid to pleasure yourself with another guy? If you find him attractive, go for it! And we want details, later...

-Wicked ;-)

bgp said...

The Ministry of Pleasure is a virgin????????? I think you may have built up too much expectation around this event. It is really fun, or can be, and it feels good but it will not answer all your questions. So relax a bit and give this new guy a chance,,,,or a blow, or let him massage you,,,,everywhere. I would be shocked if you discovered you were not gay so engage a nice guy sexually and clear up your wonder,,,,,else live forever and only wonder.

Jim said...

Hey PR8,

Its been a while since I commentted on your blog. (like you'd notice anyway)

I'm kind of on the same page with the above 2 comments about " The ministry of Pleasure being a virgin". I just did not see this coming. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

There are some really good advices up there already. But here's little something that you can sleep on.

I believe that, eventually you'll do it. Right? And then you'll do some more. But you know, just like learning to drive a car: the sooner you learn the more comfortable you feel on the wheels.

You can have sex at 68, but it wont be the same. And you wont have much left in the tank by that time I believe. Besides, after consistently hold off something for a period of time, you'd get to the point where you don't see the need to do or want to do it anymore. Again, just like the car thing, you wont feel the need to drive at 68 again. And if you're rich at 68, you'd probably have someone driving for you.

So my suggestion is, borrowing the famous copy of Nike, JUST DO IT!

There's really no perfect time to do anything. The perfect time is what and when you say it is.

You're lucky the guy you mentioned know that you're a virgin and offers to teach you. But you dont have to do it with this guy if you dont like him though. The important thing is to do it, and do it soon. But still, you have all the rights to choose. It's fun and a privilege for being hot. You'll love it. I do.

So be choosy. But after that, get down on your knees and worship that dick like you were born to do.

ted said...

Hi PR8,
I agree with jemmytee and Joseph. Take your time to know him better before you just simply have sex with a person. After few outing, if he is the Mr.Right for you and both of you are loving each other, the time will come. Just TRY not to keep thinking of having sex, although I keep thinking as well.. lolz. I know how you feel cause I am on the same shoe with you (want it badly sometimes)... same, 24 still V.

Kurb said...

I'm in almost the same position as you PR8, except I've discovered my boundaries are more narrowly constrained. I'm 22, and the guy I've "slept" with was actually a prostitute I picked up in Thailand, so there were no illusions of romance. By "slept", however, meant we did everything except three things: Fuck, suck, and kiss. I came close with the fuck because I was so caught up with the moment, but something made me stop. I've since visited sex clubs, but I while I enjoy myself with fondly and humping completely naked hot guys and I see fucking everywhere, something stops me from actually fucking. Probably the fear and guilt you mentioned earlier. Why don't you drop me a line? We can exchange blog links at least - my video blog is .

Rick said...

Hi there,

I have been there. I lost my Virginity at 23. Mostly because I felt extremely guilty about gay sex. I even thought about trying with girls just to make it possible to happen!

Then I met this really nice guy. I opened my heart to him and one day, without any premeditation, we just did it. I did came to love him deeply, and I he did hurt me in the end. Still, this makes part of me and contributes to whom I am. I just regret all the years lost by the worst possible reasons.

Don't let guilt and the idealization of a perfect 1st time steal your youth away. Believe me, you don't want you first time to be perfect! You just want it to get better and better each time! ;)

Good luck! Be happy.

Anonymous said...

is that a common problem? /underground problem?
I just got the similar problem!?
at least I know that I'm not the only one who is a little bit different from the others from this moment, and that really makes me feel better... thanks for you special post!