Saturday, May 10, 2008

Has He Enjoyed It...

Well, tonight I was 'unexceptionally' brave (and horny) enough to meet a guy I met online. He's Irish and he's cool. Anyway, to make my long story short, we had sex. However, for some reason I was unable to stay hard throughout our session and I never had an orgasm from topping him, instead I blew a massive load while he was kissing (he was really good at that) and fingering me.

Of course I had an absolute wonderful time, but at the same time I kept thinking that I might have let him down as he didn't cum at all! I felt so awful afterwards and kept apologising to him for my 'underper- formance'. But to my surprise, he told me I did an excellent job and said that he had lots of fun getting me off even though he didn't cum. In my mind, I was like, "What? Are you telling the truth or are you just trying to sympathise with me?"

On my way out, we exchanged our numbers and he asked me to drop by, whenever. He was sweet but he also left me confused.

So my question is, does cumming mean enjoyment (and vice versa)? It's just that I always thought in order for us to enjoy sex, we NEED to have an orgasm and we NEED to cum to prove it. Or have I watched too much porn?


Donnie v2.0 said...

You've watched too much porn. There have been MANY times when I've had incredible sex and not cum - sure, it's an added bonus to shoot your load, but not necessary. Hope you hook up again with your Irish stud!

Justin said...

Not that I have any experience in this area quite yet (fingers crossed!) but it's too much porn. If the connection shared was strong enough and he was indeed willing to see you again, then he enjoyed it; he just didn't reach a high enough stimulation point (for whatever HIS, not yours, reasons); but he must have enjoyed it nonetheless to want to get to know you better. Plus, if during kissing, it means he's possibly a romantic at heart. Possibly. Best of wishes, keep up the porn if need be.

Anonymous said...

I'm french. I have not a good english excuse me. I love a man and we love me and sometimes i don't cum but i kiss him suck him he fuck me and i have a very good time. we can have a lot of pleasure to give love and sex sensation to someone noy with cuming ;-)

jackjack said...

I am one of those who usually don't cum when i am doing it with a guy the first time. And please be assured i am very satisfied with each encounter and needless to say, like you the other party kept insisting that i should cum... which i think its kinda difficult on my part to explain... so dun worry... ur irish lad is normal and you are too!

Cuba2008 said...

You shouldn't be so worried about him not cumming, it has happened to me usually because I've been tiered or been having to much sex... which has knakered me

Anonymous said...

I enjoy most when I see my partner having an orgasm, that is something so beautiful. It's nice to blow a load, but not necesserity.

celtboy said...

It's a porn cliche that everyone has earth-shattering sex on their first time together.

Relax and take the time to get to know each others' bodies and turn-ons.

Communication is the key. Talk about what gets you and him off.

Not to worry that you "didn't turn him on enough." He wasn't just being polite. If he's worth pursuing, you guys will have plenty of fun together in the future.



Anonymous said...

wow. I feel kinda bad now. I just met a guy three weeks ago and the sex has been great, but he has yet to cum (we've had sex 3 times). I thought something was wrong with him. Maybe I am just too into when guys cum. Do some guys just not cum during sex ?

NW007 said...

I would say not to worry, because in my experiences you can have great sex where one or even both of you don't cum. It is the intensity and pleasure that each get from it that counts.

FlipFlopsBoy said...

I'm with's not always about the cum shot. Hope you see him again soon!

My Invincible life said...

well it's ok if you both enjoy your moment that day.
for me, need much more time for making me cum.
so when i play sex with my boyfriend,
usually he did foreplay to me that takes about 18 minutes by sucking, hugging, licking my nips (or any other sensitive area) and then we get in to the main session.
yes i did for several times not cum. and my dick still aroused after my boyfriend cum.
he help me cum by sucking my dick.

so i think it is not problem about you. as long as you both could enjoy it.

PDQ said...

Hmmm.....since you got off while being fingered, maybe you should introduce a third guy into the equation. You can bury your dick in Irish guy and #3 can put his dick in you. You piston in and out of Irish guy, impaling yourself on guy #3 every time you pull back.

I'll bet THAT will make you pop a nice big load.

Anonymous said...

Less porn, more real sex.

mark said...

I am a guy who deeply loves sex with guys ... I was moved to share some things when I read your post. For me it is usually a real turn on to connect with a guy sexually but for me the best is when I feel a real, what could be called a spiritual or heart connection with the guy ... that is when the sex goes to a whole other level and the connection deepens ... and so does the pleasure, but it is a subtle pleasure that comes from actually feeling Love for the guy (and from the guy) My experience is that when I feel touched in that way by a guy it is so deeply satisfying that whether I cum or not is way secondary if not irrelevant.

There is far too much of a common belief among gay men that for sex to be good it has to culminate in an orgasm/ejaculation. I am here to say that I heartily disagree with that. I of course really love cumming (who doesn't) and do so often, but it is NOT necessary to cum for me to feel satisfied (even deeply so) if I am really connecting with the guy in other ways. I have been in the position of that guy that you connected with and have felt misunderstood & doubted when I told the guy I was having sex with that I do not need to cum to feel satisfied and that I really enjoyed myself.

So open your minds and your hearts guys ... there is much more to sex than just blowing your load ... a LOT more ! I feel that guys who don't understand this are missing out on the subtle and sublime aspects of sex which can sometimes be the very best part of sexually connecting with a guy (at least for some of us).

Porn is a staged performance that has it in the script that the guys have to cum to properly complete the act. We should thus realize that it does not perfectly reflect the reality of sex but rather imitates if for mass consumption and thus not forget that it is clearly a simulated reality... however enjoyable it may be at times to watch. In the reality which is our lives there are a lot of other & different factors at play.... many more, factors that involve the complex and multi-dimensional nature of our feelings - our emotions combined with our physical sensations - literally our whole beings. This is so much more than is involved in a scripted and staged porn scene. I hope that we can each be creative enough, courageous enough and in tune with ourselves enough to rewrite the script for ourselves, of what constitutes great and satisfying sex. it is so important for us to do this, to challenge our programmed expectations of what constitutes great sex. Otherwise we can find ourselves living out a much shallower script that is not genuinely our own. To do this however requires us to explore our authentic feelings and challenge our assumptions thereby... this is a very exciting and growthful frontier to explore and doing so, in my opinion, constitutes the quest to find our authentic humanity beneath the social and cultural programming that we have all been so strongly imprinted with.

I hope that communicating this helps some of you who read it. May we all get better at loving guys (and ourselves in the process) !!