Friday, April 03, 2009

They Say Dreams Are...

So, I had this weird dream last night. It's the kind of dream where, you don't know you're dreaming until you wake up all confused. Yes, it's THAT realistic!

Anyway, please don't laugh at me, but I was dreaming about 'coming out' (not cumming out) to my parents, my family and my friends, and it's all started because I remembered vaguely at one point my mom found some gay magazines among a pile of books on my desk and she questioned me about it. Of course I couldn't deny it or mask it but to admit it. To my surprise she was kinda relieved that I told her the truth because she no longer needed to worry about asking me questions about girlfriends or wife, and there were some tears involved.

Seriously, I was actually feeling free and happy after I 'came out' in the dream, but when I woke up and realised it had all been a dream, damn I felt like sh*t. It's like you wished the whole thing was true and would continue, but it didn't. I'm back in the closet.

Was it a good dream or a bad one? I don't know, but there's one thing I'm sure of, the whole 'coming out' business has always been at the back of my mind. Whether the outcome will turn out to be as pleasant as I've experienced in my dream, it's up to me to find out.

7 comments:

ben jones said...

if there's one thing i've learned about the whole coming out process, it's that when it really happens, it won't be like anything you've thought of, and that's neither good or bad.

Anonymous said...

most mums know anyway!

Ntxo said...

dont worry too much..
if it happens, it had to happen, right?
let the time do his work.. and you'll see every little aspect of your life falling into their own places..

xxxx

b3nc0 said...

Well, they said it all! Just a little piece of advice though, if you intend to come out to your parents maybe dropping Gay magazines here and there ain't that good an idea...
One last thing Cupcake, don't expect your mother quitting questionning you about girlfriends or wife: Mine only changed gender ^^;

8-10 said...

The easy way...
mail her the link to your blog :)

dougie said...

That last comment was too funny! Coming out was the most relieving and non eventful thing to happen to me. I was 17 and everyone was well duh! my mother although upset, knew it and kicked me out,Father was cool with it and eventually got her around to thinking more clearly. My take on it - if you act ashamed then they assume it is something to be ashamed of, if you act as if it is the most normal thing going, then all of a sudden it is.

Cheers, Dougie

Allen said...

I'm no expert on dreams, but it seems to me that dreaming about it means you are in the process of working it out - however long that takes you will come out when you are ready, and you will feel the same freedom and joy you felt in your dream.

I'm not saying it will be all peaches and cream - my dad doesn't like it, but we still get along. The bad feelings I have about that part of our relationship are not nearly as bad as the pain I felt being in the closet.

Best of wishes.