Monday, June 22, 2009

Looking For...

So I'm cruising the infamous Gaydar chat rooms, as I do from time to time. To me, it's a way of getting out of the house without actually getting out of the house. Anyway, I'm browsing through different profiles and I spot a phrase that I've seen many times in these rooms, and for some reason it just strikes a nerve.

What makes him think he can look for love? What in today's society has imprinted it into this poor little gay's head that you can actually sit in front of your trusty PC with your favorite drink, pack of crisps, and maybe the noise of some brainless reality show in the background, and find the man of your dreams? How can you LOOK for love? Can you LOOK for love? Isn't love something that's supposed to just happen? Isn't it that cute little smile that happens, even if you try to stop it, for no reason when you are gazing into someones eyes? Or, that moment twenty minutes into a conversation when you realise that you are hopelessly lost, have no idea what's being said, only that you don't ever want the conversation to stop? That isn't something you can look for, if it were, we would have all found it by now!

No, love is something that sneaks up and bites you in the ass just when you are starting to have fun, just when you are starting to get comfortable with someone, just when you least expect it. Love is random and completely irrational, and can happen in the most least expected places, and that's the beauty of it. It has no boundaries, can't be seen or defined, and yet is the driving force of some of our most power full decisions. Looking for something that you want is a rational thing to do when you feel you can't take another breath without it. Trying to rationalise something that's irrational from the beginning is just LOOKING for disaster. You can't use your brain to find something that only your heart can recognise.

And just for the sake of argument, what does love actually LOOK like? I mean, we are all guilty of it in some way. But what happens at the moment that we realise that it isn't there? Do we end all communi- cation with that person? "You aren't compatible with me, so you aren't worth me wasting my time, move out of my way as I'm on a mission!" It's like speed dating.

But take a second, and look at what we are missing out on. Some of the best lessons in life I've learned are from people that I don't love, and some of the best people I've met are people that I don't love. If I threw away every guy that walked into my life that I didn't love, I would end up with a lot of females!

In other word, it seems the only ones we really throw away are the ones that we do love. I guess what upsets me most about this is how young this chap is, he's 29 and all ready looking for love, as if he doesn't find it, he's gonna spend the rest of his life miserable. Which may or may not be true, but that's up to him. In the process of LOOKING for love, aren't we missing out on so much? I'm trying so hard to avoid the cliché, STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS!

So to all of you love-searching, speed dating, chronic daters out there, I say go out and look for nothing. Enjoy your life while you have it, don't spend it obsessing over the fact that you are lonely and doomed to an eternal life of misery. Embrace it. Talk to that random person you think you would have nothing in common with, you may be surprised! When you limit yourself to just love, you limit yourself in life.

Oh, in case you may not have realised, that 29/m is no one but me...

8 comments:

Joe Saimy said...

You're right... Love isn't just come! You've gotta search for it.
It made me rethink about my behavior after I read the phrase ''Talk to that random person you think you would have nothing in common with, you may be surprised! When you limit yourself to just love, you limit yourself in life.'' it sounds logical and that's why i've been so lonely these days. Thanks a lot pr8!

Jon said...

I know that was you! Thanks for this entry, it was mind provoking.

Peace,
Jon

dougie64 said...

I swore off dating men, I thought they were all asses. I was just going to be friends. The first time I met my husband (We are married here in Canada) he was sharing a flat with a friend of mine and I didn't really like him. We started hanging around together, found out we actually had a lot in common and we have been living together now for 19 years. Do not go searching for love, let it find you, it is amazing when it happens,

Cheers, Doug

jhr said...

By the time I was 29, I had found the love of my life, lived with him for 6 years and then we went our separate ways. By the time I was 29 I had found the 2nd love of my life - that was 28 years ago and he's in the den watching TV.Good luck to all of you that want to find it - I really believe it is there for you.
JH

jhr said...

And BTW - the first love of my life? - me and my partner and he and his are best friends : he and I speak on the phone about every other day. I just won all the way around

Jan Idrewoods said...

i really like this one... i am 25, i wasted years dumping boys i dont like while chasing those who despised me. i wish i can make a turn and make meself available again, for love of course.

Anonymous said...

I knew it was you when i saw the pic. You shared some pain with us last fall about this. I think he/you mean I'm open to love happening (not committed, really ready, etc.) but not actually searching. Pejoe

OldProle said...

I have heard that line, "I am looking for a lover." or some variant so many times, and so often in the context of major disappointment. STOP LOOKING FOR LOVERS. Just mix, and when you come across someone interesting, cultivate their friendship. If there is enough lust present, it just might turn into love. If it doesn't, you get a friend for your efforts.